Oh, Tino, I will miss you. You, your fine play (particularly in actually troubling to field at first base), and your hotness (particularly your jawline and forearms).
Yankees Decline Option on Tino Martinez
The math of budgets and batting statistics means nothing to me, nothing compared to my love for Tino. I will not be reasoned out of it.
P.S. Please nobody write me stories about Tino Martinez snorting coke off a hooker's thigh at a Denny's in Kansas City. I don't wanna know. One of the perks about choosing non-pinups for meaningless crushes is that their venality is kept from public view. Let me enjoy that perk.