I have a very pointy, rather singular winter hat that I wear quite frequently. I adore it and have thus tended to it lovingly for years now, ever dreading the day when it will wear out or be irreparably harmed. So far, fortunately, it has proven quite hearty.
There is one problem, though: the false assumptions others make upon seeing me in my hat. "Cute hat!", they seem to say, "You must want me to accost you!" Not the case, I can assure you. To clear up this confusion, I am issuing a formal public declaration of my true thoughts as I wend my way through packs of left-walkers, sudden-stoppers, and other violators of the pedestrian code:
Yes, I am wearing a cute hat.
That does not mean I am your fucking friend.
Get out of my way.
Is there a connection between the pointy hat and the out-of-control love from the homeless? If you wore a scary hat that looked like a big spider with fangs biting your head it might dissuade strangers from grabbing on, yelling at, or otherwise molesting you. That, or they'll chase you with an empty paper towel tube, screaming, "Hey, Woman. Hey, Woman! Listen here. Since your old man ain't got no heart, maybe you like to see a real man."
Posted by: Shiny at March 8, 2007 1:56 PMY'know I'm thinkin' that you should line the hat with tin foil. This has been know to block radio signal transmission from UFO's. Not only that, clairvoyant bag-people and squeegee men find it to be impenetrable. Not to mention the psychic vampires...
Reynolds to the rescue! Dig?
Posted by: Bill at March 12, 2007 11:03 PM