Sideshow Rants

Open Letter to the Iced Tea Slurper,

I love Arizona iced tea, don't you? It's sweet and
refreshing. I can tell you enjoy it as you make
satisfied slurping noises with each sip from the
oversized can. Are you deaf? Do you not hear that
over the din of NOTHING as you are in a silent
library? HEY! Did you just start WHISTLING? For the
love of crumbcake! I am under no longer under any
obligation to not punch you straight in the face.
And put your fucking shoes on.

Yours,
Alanna

Open Letter to the Man Who Almost Hit Me in the Face with his Senselessy Oversized Golf Umbrella,

I don't care that you have an eyepatch. You should STILL pay attention to what you are doing with the right half of your self.

If anything, you should be even MORE sensitive to putting peoples' eyes out. You should know that you can't see out of your right eye, and turn your melon head to look with your left eye. It's not like anyone snuck the eye patch on to your melon head.

An eye patch is not a coupon to commit senseless ocular destruction.

Sign me,
-4.75 in Both Eyes in Brooklyn